The Course of Crazy Does Not Run Smooth
by Robin G. Fellow
Summary: Reincarnation does not lead to normal people. Uzushio does not have normal people (even if they're in Konoha now). Featuring characters that break the fourth wall and small children taking in even smaller children. The universe also may have become an alternate one without anyone noticing. Reincarnation OC derailed by stressed writer. Crack. Drabble-like format.
1. Chapter 1

Note: Don't own Naruto.

Also, I get busy with life so it may take a while to update. However, I've got several chapters already lined up due to the short length of 'em. Tell me what you think.

* * *

The underworld was warm today, she thought idly. Comfortable too. Was it a red sky today? She opened her eyes. Spread before her was a clear, blue sky, sunlight warm against her skin. Above her towered a tree.

Not thin, barren trees of the underworld reaching futilely towards the sky, bark black against the red of the day, but fat trees with green leaves, limbs white against the blue heavens.

Tiny hands reached for the sky. She stopped and waved her hands. The tiny hands waved back.

Oh.

She peered down and saw chubby legs and little feet. The skin was rosy and delicate. She wiggled her toes. The little toes on the feet wiggled.

Oh.

Her mouth opened to speak. "Hello?" she tried to say. A stream of babble came out instead.

Oh.

So she had been reincarnated. How nice. Mouth stretching into a yawn, she curled up and went back to sleep. It was a warm day and warm days were made to be enjoyed.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Once again, I do not own this world. I'm just messing with it as a form of stress relief.

Thanks for the feedback! I've got several mini bits already typed up so I'll just upload a few. Originally, this chapter and the next one were only one chapter. That was too long for this story though so I seperated them.

This story is mostly random drabbles.

* * *

"Our Miu," her parents said proudly, "is obedient and well behaved."

"This may be true," Mrs. Tanaka said one day, "but she hasn't spoken a word."

"Do you think she's…you know…" Another young mother whispered, trailing off.

"That's she's damaged?" Old Mrs. Yukimura finished in that blunt, loud manner of hers.

The women shushed her and looked around. With the hustle and bustle of the marketplace, no one heard a word. Vendors hollered out to shoppers. Shoppers haggled for the best deal. Friends chattered, lovers quarreled, and the women returned to their gossip.

The even older Mrs. Kurokawa snorted. "That's a genius if I ever saw one."

"She's just waiting until its perfect." Mrs. Yukimura whispered conspiratorially, "All of them are like that. You'll see."

They were all wrong, of course. Miu spoke all the time. In fact, she was walking and talking long before the other children. Her young parents simply did not think it something to be bragged about. It was common amongst her mother's family. The other children simply weren't mature enough, her mother decided. Her baby was amazing.

("You wanna go, bitch!? Talking about my baby girl like that!? Let's go, ho! I will fucking end you!" "Mommy, Daddy says you're not supposed to use those words.")


	3. Chapter 3

Don't expect chapters everyday. I just like the number three better than two. Two lacks...the balance that three does, you know? Three is a significant number in many myths and is visually more interesting than two.

**EDITED: I added a portion that was previously in the next chapter. However, it didn't flow as well so I moved it up here. **

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

* * *

"May I go to the ninja academy?" Miu asked one day, over dinner.

"Don't be silly," Her mother said as she wiped up the spilt water, "why would you want to be a ninja? That's a terrible job."

Her father, newly returned from his mission, shot her an annoyed look.

"Why?"

"We would have to deal with your father's family."

"What's wrong with them?" Miu asked.

Her mother muttered darkly about someone named Spot and "deus ex machingan". Her father rolled his eyes and turned to Miu.

"They can be a bit dramatic." He said simply.

"Oh." The child said before returning to her food. How boring.

"Stop breaking the fourth wall, Kiyo."

"Shhh!"

He rolled his eyes again.

* * *

Miu still ended up going to the ninja academy. On the first day, her parents had walked her to the school. They stood outside the building and her father crouched down to look her in the eyes.

"Just remember Miu," he said seriously, "they're not like us. So it's best you try and blend in."

"Ok, Daddy." She said.

Idly, she wondered what they would be having for dinner tonight.

"Don't talk to creepy one eyed mummies." Her mother said.

Her father rolled his eyes. "She won't encount-"

"Don't jinx it!" Her mother hissed. Then, as an afterthought, added, "I hope your eyes are stuck like that."

He rolled his eyes again. Just to spite her.

"Ok, Mommy." Miu said.

She gave them each a hug, a kiss on the cheek, and a wave as she skipped into the academy. Behind her, she could hear her mother gloat.

"I could squash you like a bug right now. I'm standing and you're not."

She couldn't hear her father's response, but imagined it was snarky and designed to drive people to homicide.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: don't own Naruto.

Think the drabble format is slowly dying. Like my soul.

**EDIT: Moved one part up to the previous chapter. Added another extra part. **

* * *

Miu didn't say much outside of her home. She'd tried, of course, when she'd first entered the Academy. The other students were too loud and their noise drowned out her voice.

"They don't hear me at all." She'd say once they were home. Miu would blink a few times, trying to hold back her tears.

"I hear you. I love you." Her mother cooed, holding her close.

"I hate everyone. Children are stupid." She buried her face in her mother's shoulder.

"It'll be alright."

Miu sulked and pouted all week. No one noticed. It was then that Miu decided-

"I'm never going to talk to anyone ever again." She wailed to her father.

He took one look at his daughter's tears, panicked, and taught her how to set things on fire. She perked up after that. Until she accidentally burnt down her mother's garden, but that's another story.

Suffice to say, her father told her, "You'll find a friend, one day."

Then, one day, she did.

* * *

Her name was Yukari and she liked to make people cry.

"Hold on! That's not it at all! I just like to tease them a bit. It was only once. I told her to get her own flowers and she started crying! Kids these days!"

"Rumors are just rumors. It doesn't matter what they say." Miu would say.

"So we should just let it slide!?" Yukari asked.

There was a brief flash of something dark in her eyes, but it was gone before Miu could reply with "No, you're silly."

That's what they bonded over, by the way. Petty revenge. That and their undying love of pretty boys.

"Well, it doesn't matter now," Yukari said as she stretched her arms towards the sky, "class is over! Let's go do something!"

"What do you want to do?"

"I don't know. Wander around until we find something interesting?"

Miu shrugged. It sounded good to her. She didn't realize then, but what had begun as goofing off would become frightfully troublesome.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: I ADDED AN EXTRA PART TO THE LAST CHAPTER IN CASE. JUST IN CASE NO ONE NOTICED. YEAH, SO THERE WAS SOME REARRANGING GOIN' ON. PUTTING THIS IN CAPS BECAUSE I KNOW PEOPLE DON'T READ AN'S. **

**IF YOU'RE CONFUSED, IT'S IS YOUR OWN FAULT NOW. I WASH MY HANDS OF THIS REARRANGING BUSINESS.  
**

* * *

It started with a little boy. Even for a four year old, he was a runt, with dirty short hair and defiant eyes. It took permanent paint, sequins, and party streamers for Miu to like him, but she did. The ANBU, however, were not pleased.

They looked traumatized, to be honest, even behind those masks. It certainly was a prank to remember, Miu agreed, eyes flickering to Yukari. The girl was frowning contemplatively as she swiped the paint off her face, gaze intense.

"Your eyebrows," she said to Miu, "are lovely. I really like that shade of Tangerine."

Miu preened.

Then Yukari turned to the little boy leaning against the alley wall, trussed up like a turkey. He squirmed under the weight of her gaze. She crossed her arms. He twitched, sweat dripping down his forehead.

"You," she demanded, "What's your name?"

"Uh…uh…"

She narrowed her eyes.

"Naruto," he blurted, "Uzumaki Naruto."

Nodding decisively, she grabbed the end of the rope neatly tied around him.

"Uzumaki Naruto, you're coming with me." Yukari turned to the ANBU behind them, "He's mine by right of conquest."

Suddenly, it had become all too silent. The three ANBU stared. Crickets chirped in the background. Then the squad leader, an ANBU with a dog mask, stepped forward.

"…It doesn't work that way." He said.

"Yes, it does." Yukari said dismissively, "Don't be ridiculous."

"You can't do that." Dog insisted.

"Yes, I can. You can't stop me because oh yeah! Right of conquest."

"No. You can't."

"Don't I get a say in this?" Naruto asked, loudly.

Yukari looked into his eyes, her own deadly serious.

"I'll treat you to ramen. Like a lot." She whispered.

"Really?" His blue eyes were squinting in suspicion.

She nodded. "I take care of my peoples."

Suspicion warred with the love for ramen. Ramen won out.

"…deal."

She smiled smugly. Dog shot Naruto a look of betrayal. Miu applauded. The other ANBU exchanged amused glances.


	6. Chapter 6

"It'll be alright, Hokage-sama," Yukari promised solemnly, "I'm graduating from the Academy soon (like next year). Plus, there's my candy money-which is like, serious business. Indeed, Hokage-sama, worry not for I shall provide."

The Hokage sighed. He was getting too old for this.

"Yukari, Naruto is not land."

Yukari opened her mouth to speak. The Hokage continued.

"Or weapons. Or money. He is not something you can own."

"It worked for Konoha during the Third Shinobi War." She said coolly.

"We are not at war, Yukari."

_And you're seven years old. _

"We're ninja," she said flatly, "We're always at war."

She was, the Hokage mused, a very intelligent child. One with an iron will. This was, however, a ridiculous topic to be debating.

"Excuse me?" Piped a soft voice, "If I may, Hokage-sama?"

The Hokage turned to the other child with a kind smile. She was a sweet girl. Frightening, but sweet.

"You may, Miu."

"Yukari-chan can trace her Uzumaki heritage several generations back. It's only right that Naruto, as a fellow Uzumaki, be allowed to stay with her. They are family after all."

Yukari deflated. Miu had a way of sucking the fun dry, sometimes. Taking out the trump card so early…figures. Still, she wasn't going to deny help. Even if it was only to herself, she had to admit she'd gotten a bit distracted.

"That's certainly true." The Hokage said, stroking his long beard. He glanced at their hopeful eyes. Oh, they tried to hide it, to his amusement, but the hope gleamed more brightly than any star.

"I suppose I can allow it." Since her mother had already broached this topic with him ever since she caught a glimpse of the boy a few months ago. The paperwork was almost fully processed, at this point.

"Really!? Yes! Thank you Hokage-sama!"

"Yes, thank you Hokage-sama."

Yukari and Miu smiled at each other. The Hokage bit back a chuckle. Ah, youth. Had he known the sort of crazy that this action would bring, he would…actually, no he wouldn't. It was much easier, much more fun to be an ally of the remnants of Uzushio than their enemy.


End file.
